Why I Hate "Get Him to Commit" Advice


If you feel like a laugh, google "get him to commit". Go ahead, I'll wait, while glaring at you for not committing to this blog post.

You'll find gems like:

Step 4: Show that he would benefit from committing to you.
Make a list of ways that you can improve your best qualities, whether it's to show you're more independent by cutting back on how often you see him, or by being more relaxed by not planning every little thing.

The article has valid points - but what kind of world is this where you have to make a Powerpoint presentation to sell your man into something humans are already programmed to do? Sure, there's a school of thought that says monogamy isn't natural.

And I don't buy it. If you want to focus on that, great, keep reading those articles. But if you want to save time and needless worry so you can focus on what you really want? Ignore the fear-mongering.

"But Sophia, I'm surrounded by players!"

Are you? Is it because that's all you're expecting to see?

When I first got to Hollywood, I had perky boobs and the face of a teenager. I definitely got attention - entirely from mid-30-year-olds with shifty employment. The kind who go after 20-year-olds with perky boobs.

I couldn't find a committed boyfriend if I hired one, yet I saw them - cute, age-appropriate guys in long-term relationships. Why did I get the one with the receding hairline who would curl into a fetal position on the bathroom mat when we disagreed? (100% true story. He ended up dumping me through his shrink)

My first therapist had the answer for me. She said if marriage is what I wanted, I needed to be clear about that.

Was it that simple?

I gave it a try. I moved back to my native New York and immediately dated 4 guys (yes at once) who wanted marriage. For the next year and a half, I met amazing, accomplished, committed men.

"So you're saying I should move to New York?"

Well, yes, because NY is awesome, but no. Commitment-phobia isn't just a Hollywood thing and future husbands are not just in New York, circa mid-2000's. Just like players are everywhere, so are true men. This is a geography-independent experiment. I've since moved back to Los Angeles and my coupling experience this second time around is one long tale of commitment. (With full heads of hair!)

This is still SoCal. My boob-placement isn't too far off. The only thing that's changed is: I have no more time for commitment-phobes. If a guy doesn't show his commitment colors at the beginning, he never will. At least not with you. And no amount of "acting independent" will get him to commit. Move on.

Commitment-phobes still exist. I still got played. But that happened when I strayed off my commitment aim. Those aberrations were weeded out when I remembered the truth: real men commit.

When you find yourself wasting time with a player or even a wishy-washy kind-of boyfriend, remember: it's not natural to be unable to form a consistent, intimate attachment to a mate.

Yes, I'm calling players freaks.

I say this because I'm sick of women settling for less than what is PERFECTLY NORMAL.

I'm tired of them thinking there's something wrong with themselves instead of remembering there's something wrong with being led on or lied to.

Instead of watching another video on how to get him to commit, you might want a little more, "How do I get away from this freak who can't commit, so I can find the true man who can?"

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