Your Obsession with Feeling Good Is Keeping You From A Real Relationship

My article on soulmates v. twin flames and how soulmates are their own special kind of hell hit a nerve like no other.

I got polar reactions from "OMG THIS IS ME" to "I don't get it." 

I know. Tiger Mom spoiled the party. But I gotta give it to you Asian-style:

There truly is a consciousness rising. But the byproduct of any kind of change is a water-down effect as it trickles into the larger population.

Everyone watches Oprah, does yoga-hip-hop (#realthing) and Instagrams inspirational quotes. They're told they no longer have to feel shitty. Everyone has a chance to quit their jobs, divorce their spouses, fuck who they want, and live their dreams. DOWN WITH THE OLD!

But this is only the first stage.

Following good feelings is only ONE aspect of the diamond we call soul transformation.

Unfortunately, it's the shiniest one. And now modern culture is stuck on it.

Why Feeling Good Is a Poor Judge of Character

It's not simply because change doesn't feel good, or that feelings don't last. It's because

Feeling good is only ONE feeling. We are way more complex than that.

And also because change hurts. 

And is freeing.

And terrifying.

And exhausting.

And makes you better.

It's all of these things.

Just like a relationship. 

And a job.

And LIFE.

You can try to live every day chasing a good feeling, but I guarantee you'll come up short. Over and over.

I'm not telling you to give up feeling good. Just let go of it being the sole indicator of whether your relationship is right, and don't ignore the whole of you.

Just like I urged you to honor your anger, I welcome you now to let in the pain of how much work change takes. It took you decades to build your habits and addictions, what makes you think feeling good will change it overnight?

Be a little friendlier to the ache that says, "I want a man so bad." You're not pathetic. You're being real.

In the SAME WAY that happiness is fleeting, so are your neuroses. So let them come.

Are you afraid? Be afraid.

The most empowering answer? "That's okay."

You won't be happy all the time. Your soulmate won't make you happy all the time. Your marriage won't be happy all the time.

Your business will be hard at times. Your job will suck sometimes. You'll feel like a hot tranny mess (some of us more than others...)

You'll be okay.

That's the truth. And THAT feels good.


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