"Mohawk Preferred": How to REALLY Make a Dream Guy List

Sophia's Dream Guy, Age 16:

  • Between 5'10' and 5'11' 
  • Toned but not buff
  • Skater or punk – Mohawk preferred

Even before dating coaching was invented, girls have been making lists of their dream prom dates (mine was Christian Slater). Life was simple then – boys weren't judged by their AGI, and cuteness reigned. For some – like my mom – it still does. I'm going to cure you of that right now.

There are traits that have no business being on your list – including everything from my teen version. 

Take my teenybopper list.

My three high school boyfriends were 5'10", 5'10 3/4", and 5'11"

When I started dating Asians, I modified the height preference to 5'8" and up. For the next five years my boyfriends were 5'9", 5'9", 5'8", and 5'8"

Eventually I stopped wasting my wishes on something so stupid like height.

Immediately my longest, most meaningful relationship walked into my life, barely over 5'5", and taught me what unselfish love looked like. 

He was pudgy, with a slightly unfortunate dominant genetic trait.

His eyes were electric and bright. He was passionate and strong, not afraid to cry and so loyal it aches. He gave me everything and never complained. This guy was so confident he stole me away from my 5'11" boyfriend with the Masters degree and the cute face.

Now THESE are traits you want on your list. 

Do's & Don't's

DON'T: Include physical characteristics

I don't mean "athletic "– or it's better re frame: healthy/takes care of his body– that's a lifestyle and character trait. Physical characteristics mean eye color, hairstyle, clothing, body type and similar externals.

INSTEAD: Focus on character and values

No amount of lashes or facial hair can make up for the trust you have when you pick up the phone after a fender bender and your man leaves a meeting with his boss to drive two hours to get you – as you stress-yell at him. #truestory

By the way amazing 5'5" ex is single if anyone wants to be adored. Though I'd probably kill you. 

DON'T: Forget the basics

A fellow coach once met her dream guy who matched every single item on her list.

And he was married.

She'd neglected to write "single and available".

INSTEAD: Get clear on your priorities

It's not that the universe wants to lawyer you into some loophole hell, it's that it wants you to reconsider what's truly important and to point out your blind spots

Take the time to prioritize your list. One method is to write out everything in the world you could possibly want and then prune away to an arbitrary number: 5, 10, 56, whatever works.

DON'T: End the list with just the man

Soulmate does not equal soul relationship. I repeat,

So many women do all the work to find a man – and then stop. It's actually AFTER you find him and commit the real work begins. 

INSTEAD: Include your dream relationship as well

How does he engage with you? 

What qualities in your relationship will you most enjoy? 

You set yourself up for success when you have a clear direction for your relationship – and you'll be able to communicate it better too! 

Lastly, a relationship is only as good as what you're able to bring to it, including an ability to face the rough patches and an acceptance of the vagaries of humanity, to get poetic on you. Developing the ability to deal with inevitable conflict and unpleasant emotions is the difference between just a date, and a relationship or marriage. Learn more on the FREE WEBINAR: Jealousy, Anger, Shame: How to Feel Good About Feeling Bad JOIN US!

Want to get ready for your soulmate? Apply for a free breakthrough session.

Want more free advice on surrendering to your soul love? GET ON THE LIST for special offers and giveaways!