No More Nice Girl. Be Your Crazy Self.

Handing your heart over to a good, kind woman is probably the same as falling in love with an aromatherapy candle. 
- Serge Bielanko in Forget About Nice Girls, I Like My Women Crazy

Praise Naked Baby Jesus - the tides are turning! I'm super stoked to see articles urging women to stop being so goddamn nice. Sure, Why Men Love Bitches and Women Who Love Too Much have been out for decades. But apparently nobody reads them. 

Because it's 2014 and I get emails every week from women saying,

"I can't tell if he's into this."

"I'm afraid if I stop trying, he will too."

"I'm so tired of being the first to text him always."

(The answers to the above are: 1) He's not. 2) Stop and see. 3) So don't. And while you're at it stop dating men who can't pick up the phone after the age of 30.)

After all this time, after 3 feminist movements that did more harm than good for dating (don't stone me feminazis, I was a Women's Studies major too), after all the vote-winning, doctorate-earning, business-owning and in-leaning, women are still dissatisfied, chasing after men, and wondering why they're single.

I'll tell you why.

Because you're stuck on being nice. Yes. STILL.

Quit "nice" and start being YOU - listen to the free webinar replay Curing the Niceness Epidemic HERE

Do you want to be liked or do you want to be happy?

You're so good at being GOOD. But how good are you at being YOU? You know what makes a spark? A real human being with a bad attitude who's tired of moving shit just to sit down in a motherfucker's apartment. 
- Heather Havrilesky in Ask Polly: Why Don’t the Men I Date Ever Truly Love Me?

I once asked a boyfriend what he liked about me. Did he cite my nurturing, motherly instincts? My womb-like presence? My sweet, butterfly lightness?

What do you think.

He said a bunch of stuff, probably about my boobs and love of nudity, but the one I remember years later is, "And I like that you're slightly bitchy."

This is the same man who treated me like the sun in his universe, who wanted me so badly he stole me from another man to make me his.

(Note slightly. There is a big difference between #bosslady and the kind of lay down in front of your car tire so you can't leave crazy. True story from a friend of a friend of a...)

The Cruelty of Being Nice: A Bedtime Horror Story

I never tried to be crazy. (It's a talent.) 

I just acted as my own indulgent self, starting the #singlelove movement (now my most popular board on Pinterest) and turning She Comes First into a lifestyle.

But Asian upbringings die hard. Many times I'd lose this self-love and get embroiled in toxic relationships with narcissists and commitment-phobes.

Did I turn #tigermom and leave? Sadly, no. I'd revert to even more niceness, bending over backwards to make Mr. Me comfortable. I once paid a boyfriend's student loan so he wouldn't go into overdraft, bought all the groceries, paid for our movies - only to have him tell me I didn't contribute to the relationship.

These lessons don't come easy.

Stop Mothering. Start Loving Your Life.

There's a natural order of things. And when you break this natural order, tears and pain rain on you forever more.

This is the natural order: 

For Women Seeking Men: go for the nice ones. 

For Men Seeking Women, go for the crazy. The wild women. The uninhibited and outspoken. Not only will you live fully, but you'll get laid a hell of a lot more.

Ladies, make your choice. Stay nice and honor your upbringing.


Ready to stop being a nice girl?  Apply for a FREE private #Tigermom Session.