#bosslady has begun her world traveling journey so while she hunts for solid internet, here's the goddess Diana Dorell with her personal story and advice on how to heal from breakups!
Breaking Up is Hard To Do…3 Tips from The Dating Trenches
by Diana Dorell, Intuitive Relationship Coach + Healer
It was summer in San Francisco and as Mark Twain so aptly put it, “The coldest winter I ever spent was the summer in San Francisco.” That’s how my heart felt as I gripped my cell phone and my mind glazed over all the words in the voicemail except those fateful ones: I can’t do this anymore.
I had just been ceremoniously dumped. Over voicemail. By my hot Sagittarius-banker-by-day-rocker-by-night boyfriend of 3 months.
And the kicker?
He lived on the same street, exactly 7 houses away from me.
If that’s not enough to send even the most independent, self-sufficient woman over the edge I don’t know what is.
I share this story with all of you who are going through a breakup, have gone through a breakup or have a friend who’s trying her best to make it through Valentines’ Day without gaining twenty pounds.
Put bluntly, breaking up is hard to do.
And it’s especially hard if the relationship ends in the first three to six months.
I’d like to share 3 tips from the dating trenches to help you through heart-ache and to understand why the pain can feel more excruciating at three months in than at three years.
Tip #1: Focus on the Bad
No that’s not a typo. You read that correctly. When Mr. Sag sent me the voicemail, it broke my heart in two and it made my blood boil at the cowardice. I mean, seriously. 7 houses away and he couldn’t just you know, knock?
What helped me get through it was to focus on all the qualities of the relationship that were sub-par. All the little things that I pretended to like but really couldn’t stand. I made a list. I got brutally honest and I’ll tell you, when you get to about number ten, you start to feel lighter and more in control. I highly recommend the “bad” list. It yanked me out of my illusion phase where I was making him into a God when he was not. And it also helped me focus on all the activities that I put to the side for him that were really important to me. Empowerment is the best remedy!
Tip #2: Allow, Allow, Allow. Repeat.
When you’re going through a breakup, you experience every possible emotion there is. If you allow them to come up. Anger, sadness, rage, numbness. You name it, it’s in you. At first, during my own break-up, I used to try and put a wall up and just let myself cry into my pillow at night before yelling at myself that I should be stronger than this. But after a few knockdowns, I realized that if I let myself spontaneously feel whatever I was feeling, the less time it took for me to move on.
Was it embarrassing sometimes? Yep. Did I sometimes want to hide and put on a wig so no one recognized the girl who started laughing to herself on the subway and followed it up with sobbing? Ummm...yep. Did I worry that I would never recover? Yes. But deep down, I knew I would. And I also knew that even though sometimes emotions arise and it’s not the right place (like you’re at work in the middle of a meeting), just mentally saying, “It’s okay that you’re feeling this way. You’ll have a space to let it out after this meeting” is sometimes all that’s needed to diffuse the energy and create space for more positive emotions to come through. Allow, allow, allow and stop judging your emotions. Flow with them.
Tip #3: Honor + Release
The reason why it hurt so much to get dumped after three months versus three years? I only saw the very best of Mr. Sag (well until the end). At three months, you’re still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship where hormones are raging, the sex is non-stop and oxytocin takes over your brain and your body so everything feels brighter. It’s literally like a drug that you have to detox from and so, even more-so if the relationship ended early on, it’s important to clear your space.
But I’m not talking about burning pictures with loud music and turning into a crazy person, throwing his shit out the window (unless you’re into that sort of thing). Before you can clear him out of your space, you need to honor and release the part that you’re holding onto.
Example: In my story, I literally held up a book he bought me and I let myself cry over it. I said, “Thank you for coming into my life and all the things I learned from you (the book). I now release the part of me that’s associating you with Mr. Sag. I release it and let go.”
And then I was free and the book was energetically free too. Then, and only then did I choose to donate it. Otherwise, some person would have gotten my book and all the weird energy it still had.
So, honor and release the items in your home that remind you of your ex. Do it with grace and then you’ll make space for Mr. Wonderful to come into your life when he’s meant to and you’ll get good karma points while you’re at it!
With time, I got over Mr. Sag and met another wonderful man who adored me. It can happen. I promise. I’ll end with this. “Rejection is Spirit’s Protection.” It’s something my mentor taught me and it’s about recognizing that what is being released (or what you are released from) is truly for your Highest Good. Something else more aligned with you will show up. But it’s all good. Even if he lives 7 houses away.
About Diana + A Free Gift for you!:
Diana Dorell is a third-generation healer, certified Angel Therapy Practitioner with Doreen Virtue, numerologist, Reiki Master and former radio host. Diana helps powerful women feel confident and magnetic in their relationships, starting with themselves! She’s the founder of the Angel Reiki Renewal Institute, has led workshops on how to trust your intuition all over the US and was recently a speaker at the State of Now #140conf in New York City along with Deepak Chopra, Ann Curry and others. She's passionate about helping people connect with their intuition and helping them have amazing relationships. A free gift: Top 5 Common Ways You Block Money, Love, and Miracles from coming into your life for you at www.DianaDorell.com